i have been given the oppurtunity to take a couple of days……
not by choice…..the flu kinda gives you the oppurtunity to take a break………
it has been really hard for me to cry for a while…not real sure why…..
but over the last few days with everything i am ready to cry…..
like hard core tears……..and it comes with the littlest things…
i cried at the drs office when they told me i had the flu
i cried to my mom for a while when i had to leave church early to come home becasue i felt like crap….
i cried when i got into bed and got the chills…everything brings tears!!
it has been a long time since i have been like this….
at some point in college i was called cry baby and a drama queen…
slowly after that i started to put a wall up around my heart…
i would not let anyone in….
not even God
then i was diagnosed with cancer and things started to change…..
my heart started to become soft….but i was still guarded….
then i joined a life group…..this is an amazing ministry that my church provides…in 12 weeks you heart begins to change….you are open to God and what He is in your life and the places that he is taking you….in a few weeks i get the opportunity to go on the LIFE retreat…the culmination of all that has been going on in my heart and in my mind.
i know that these tears are tears of trust and tears of brokenness….tears of coming joy…tears of freedom…..
but the process of getting there has been difficult……
there are things that i feel i did not get to as i was concentrating on something…it almost consumed me….
but i am trusting that God’s word does not return void and that he is still going to use what i learned to get into my heart and to continue to break me apart….
the scripture that i am clinging to…..
take every thought captive and make it obedient to Chirst 2 Cor 10:5
a humbled heart 