how do you say i love you

today i got a trusty facebook message from one of the girls that was on my china team a few weeks ago….

she ended her message with :love you one billion sour patch kids:

given that this was a bit of a staple on our trip this means alot!!!!

so how do you say i love you?

 

a watch(wo)man on the wall

i read a friends blog today
he got me to thinkin’ some more about a passage i have been chewin on for a few days
here’s the break down

At that time the kingdom of heaven
will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and
went out to meet the bridegroom.
Five of them were foolish and five were wise.
The foolish ones took their lamps
but did not take any oil with them.
The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps.
The bridegroom was a long time in coming,
and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.
At midnight the cry rang out:
‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’
Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps.
The foolish ones said to the wise,
‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’
‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you.
Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’
“But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived.
The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet.
And the door was shut.
“Later the others also came. ‘Sir! Sir!’ they said. ‘Open the door for us!’
“But he replied, ‘I tell you the truth, I don’t know you.’
“Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.

matthew 25:1-11

there are several things that stick out to me in this passage
~we have a choice to be wise or foolish
~ the bridegroom comes when we are tired….exhausted…cannot wait anymore….
~ there is a point when we cannot carry others….we have to stand ready…for ourselves….
(i am not selfish….i want others to receive the good things too…i promise)
~ the right thing will come @ the right time…..so we must be ready!!!

at first i thought this only applied to a particular area of my life
but God has been showing me that this fits more then just getting married
there are several ladies in my office who are waiting
we have talked about it and prayed about it. while we are waiting in different things…at the heart there is something similar.
we are waiting
there are several things that are on my heart to do
several things that i am waiting for
ministry
job
but my place is to stand ready
this is a something that can take me through years and years of ministry and support

what are you standing for?
what are you look for to come down the road?

 

i think we’re alone now

for so long i have had such a hard time being single
why me?
why am i not where i want to be?
what is wrong with me that i cannot find someone that will date me?
why are my friends even leaving me out?
do i smell?
do i have cooties?

but lately God has been challenging my idea of singleness

it is no longer a curse

here is the convo that i had with God

why?
:because i need you here?:
again…why?
because i said so
that is not really an answer, God I need more
silence

this conversation has happened many times

but something different is happening in my soul now

saturday night i was home alone
after a long day of feeling ignored
i was, shall i say, moping about the house
i get inspired to clean
(in my world this is dangerous…it always means I am about to learn something)

as i was unpacking boxes God began to speak to my heart

:Nicole, I love you! you are my daughter! :
i love you too
I have a plan for you!!
i know..its just not time
:I have you in a place of desperation for a reason:

God has been preparing me

my whole life has lead up to this moment

everything is pointing toward me working with people who have never known hope

God is calling me to love people!

God is showing me what it means to need love!

I LOVE THIS PLACE HE HAS ME!!!!!!!

 

its no secret

if you have known me any length of time you know that i want to be married. 
more then anything……(well not more then living in God’s will)
but i believe that God has given me the desire for marriage so i wait for what he is bringing into my life
but lately it has been increasingly hard
its not necessarily that friends are getting married and i am not
i love that my friends have found there :mates: and that they are enjoying married life…i hope to learn from them
i am realizing more and more that my struggle with being single is the fact that God is defining me more and showing me that i am going to be MOVING half way around the world……

this is not something that i want to do alone

i can be independent
but inside i am longing for someone to share my life with

i read a blog today about one man’s journey to find forgiveness and love in brokenness. beautiful story.
it made me :miss: and :long: for someone that i have not met yet.
where ever :my love: is i pray he is protected and knows that someone, somewhere loves him…..
all of him!!!!!!

 

my life has already started

for years i have had the mentality that my life is never gonna start

some days it feels like i am standing in the gift wrap line at a major department store and its CHRISTMAS….the sign says :now serving number 36: i look down only to find that i am holding a ticket and much to my dismay my number is 10, 478….luckily there are a few people behind me so i know that i am not alone…….

but that does not help the way my heart feels
:alone:
:achy:

i believe there is a perfect time for everything and that if we are not careful we can create
:idols:
anything that comes before God
:anything:
:everything:

even my desire for love and romance
even my deisre for ministry
everything can become something that dishonors God

we :i: have to choose everyday to take a deep breathe
embrace my place in whatever line i find myself standing in
and know that there is something bigger happening

there is a plan for me

a reason that i am embracing this place

something that i need to understand

:::::::life has already started:::::::